'I'd give anything to get my health back'
'I'd give anything to get my health back'
Lives Destroyed: Covid 19 Vaccine Injuries
A medical scientist, animal lover and self confessed (former) gym bunny, Siobhan O’Grady from Co Mayo is vaccine injured. As a healthcare worker, she was among the early cohort to receive a Covid 19 vaccine. She received her Astra Zeneca shot on February 11 2021. Within 24 hours she was admitted to A&E suffering cardiorespiratory complications. Siobhan was in and out of hospital multiple times over the months that followed, but her persistent complaint that the vaccine was the cause of her symptoms was met with ‘a wall of silence.’ When she obtained her personal medical records from the Health Service Executive through the Freedom of Information Act, she found that doctors had recorded a link to her vaccine on her paperwork but the issue was never discussed with her verbally.
Siobhan’s story is the first in a five part series on covid vaccine injuries.
Read her story below:
Myself and himself live in the West of Ireland with our family of rescue cats and two dogs. Animals have always been a huge part of my life and I love being around them. I work as a medical scientist in a hospital and was also part-time carer for my parents.
Before lockdown I was a bit of a gym bunny. Weightlifting and kettlebell sport were my endorphin rush. If I had a rough day, I'd take it out in the gym. I loved strength and conditioning, dancing, yoga, Pilates - anything movement related. During lockdown, I completed fitness fundraisers for each month of 2020. Food is also a big passion of mine. Cooking good food, baking, dinner parties, eating well and looking after my health was important to me. I was in a good place.
Tell me about things you used to do and can no longer do.
Most things from my pre-injury life have stopped: The gym, kettlebell competitions, the ability to care for my parents, walking the dogs, fostering animals, sports challenges, driving is limited to short distances, tinnitus and hearing loss mean watching TV with subtitles, socialising is incredibly rare, even the cooking has stopped. The last two years I have been mostly housebound or bed bound. My world now exists between the sofa and the bed, staring at a wall or a screen, watching life going on as normal outside my window. There's a tremendous sense of loss that has come with my being vaccine injured: loss of time with family, friends, social life, loss of financial independence, earnings, productivity, loss of planned life goals, confidence and spontaneity.
‘It’s like every thought in your brain feels as though it is wading through concrete.’
My health is about 35% of what it was. Every day my whole body is in pain. It feels like I’m wearing a heavy, restrictive suit of lead. I feel delicate, lethargic, dysfunctional, nauseous. That's my baseline onto which other symptoms come and go. For me cardiac episodes are frightening, but what I find most disabling is post exertion malaise (PEM), which is a worsening of symptoms following even minor physical or mental exertion. My crashes last six weeks on average and usually leave me bedridden. I try to avoid them, which means life now revolves around energy pacing and frequent rests. Sitting and sleeping make up most of my life now, not because I want to, but because I have to.
Tell me your thoughts on covid vaccines at the time of your taking the jab. Did you have any reservations about taking it. If so, what was the reason you went ahead?
On vaccination day in the hospital: I wasn't completely comfortable that our only option was the AstraZeneca vaccine. I had heard a few things on the radio regarding the trial, that didn't sit well with me. On the other hand, I was caring for my parents and never had any issues with previous vaccines. As the queue shortened, my gut instinct was to refuse it. Obviously, I had been absorbing information from media outlets, NPHET and the government who were telling us about the gravity of the pandemic, and how important it was to be vaccinated to keep people safe. I'd checked the CDC, WHO, & HSE websites pre-vaccination to make sure it was safe. These were, I believed, our trusted sources of information. At the time, we were told there may not be enough vaccines for everyone, so as healthcare workers, we were in a privileged position. I thought perhaps my gut instinct was an over-reaction so I stood in line with my colleagues.
‘There was a level of trust that was broken that day.’
As it turned out, for me, it wasn't safe. I had gone to work a fit and healthy person with everything to look forward to, but by the end of the day that had all been taken from me. An element of you still trusts this is temporary and could be fixed. Surely the authorities in charge of protecting us, would not risk us harm? But it turned out no one knew what to do. I was on my own. Initially I thought I was the only person this happened to. I felt so alone, so lost. There was a level of trust that was broken that day. That's a scary, lonely place to be.
Describe the onset of symptoms since your vaccine.
One day post-vaccination I ended up in A&E, my main symptoms being cardiac in nature. In addition, there seems to have been a hyper-immune mediated response that triggered some type of multi-systemic dysfunction. The first year, despite the gravity of my symptoms, investigations were minimal. Through advocating for myself and (sometimes begging for further investigations) I have been diagnosed with the following:
Vaccine Induced Long Covid.
Myalgic Encephalomyelitis
Myocarditis and cardiac scarring
Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS)
Inappropriate sinus tachycardia
Inflammatory breast cysts
Dysautonomia
Neurological dysfunction, and brain inflammation
causing issues with the vagus nerve
Currently I'm seventeen months awaiting ENT investigation for 24/7 tinnitus, hearing loss, vertigo, headaches/head pressure, and oropharynx issues and eighteen months on a waiting list for a Rheumatology appointment.
This isn't a comprehensive list of symptoms, just those diagnosed or awaiting appointments.
Describe how it effects your daily life.
Other than the company of pets, I am usually alone in the house, sitting or lying down. The garden is used for short bouts of slow walking to maintain mobility. Rarely, will I venture outside my front gates. Everything in my life revolves around staying within my energy limits, reducing cardiac episodes and minimising symptoms. The perception of how you consider energy use is no longer intensity of gym sessions, it's smaller than that. It's talking, thinking, texting. Your energy limits change daily so you don't always know what you're working with.
‘Even small gatherings can cause an autonomic response called sensory overloading.’
Medical appointments or the weekly shop are my only regular ventures outside the house. For both of these outings I need a complete rest day beforehand. The food shop is done at a quiet time and requires a trolley to lean on as an aid. People don't see this side of an invisible illness. Most ordinary tasks can take gargantuan effort. In your own home you can control your surroundings. It's easier to minimise the risk of flares and crashes, but equally you can't isolate yourself forever.
Did you inform the HPRA of your injury?
Yes. I reported my symptoms to the HPRA from my hospital bed in A&E the day after I was vaccinated. I was given a reference number and they have contacted me a few times to let me know that their database will be updated to include my information. Both the public and healthcare professionals can report an adverse reaction. Under-reporting is common as that responsibility seems to fall to the person who has had the adverse reaction and not medical professionals. The numbers reported do not reflect the total number affected.
What has been your experience of the medical system?
During consultations, I’ve experienced a disconcerting shift in atmosphere with the mention of vaccine injury, or a passive aggressive belittling attitude that has left me in tears more than once.
‘Incredibly sick.’
I was incredibly sick the first year, with over fifty new unpredictable symptoms post vaccination. Many symptoms have never been investigated. My medical investigations have centred around cardiology, but with no continuity. Even with medication, presenting tachycardic at rest, fluctuating blood pressure, a diagnosis of myocarditis, and ongoing cardiac pathologies, at each appointment I've been told 'you’re grand' and hopefully the symptoms would resolve themselves in a year or two. I'm in year three now and there's no sign of improvement.
‘My experience has been an excess of gaslighting, minimising symptoms, dismissed and unanswered concerns.’
I've even had a consultant refuse to see me despite a fourteen month wait, because of no family history of sudden adult death syndrome. A doctor friend described my situation as psychological torture. Without a doubt, there is medical trauma on presenting to hospital or a GP - even when I’m extremely sick - over the fear of being dismissed.
‘One kind doctor’
There was one doctor who stands out for his kindness and empathy. He apologised for the way I had been treated by the medical profession and said he couldn't even begin to comprehend the devastation this has caused to my life. I left the consulting room emotional for that one experience of kindness and validation, which should be the rule, not the exception.
How have you been treated by wider society, your family, friends and colleagues?
Going through something like this really strips back your life. Most of the people I used to hang out with haven't contacted me since the day I became ill. People I've been friends with for decades, have disappeared out of my life. No one visits me. I haven't really heard from work colleagues. My department manager was good for contacting me in year one, but she has a lot on her plate. Even my family don't really discuss my impaired health or vaccine injuries.
My husband didn't really understand how sick I was the first year. This year he checks in with me more, but his life is incredibly busy. I know it's hard on him too.
When you become chronically ill it's an uncomfortable place for many to contemplate. There's a fear there. People don't really know how to act around you. It can be very isolating.
‘The vaccine injured community have been disconnected from society.’
As humans we need to feel connected. But because of the discrimination, unethical behaviour, and omission from conversation by the powers that be, the vaccine injured have been disconnected from society. The best way to describe it is like shouting in a vacuum. As a vaccine injured person, there is a propensity to raise awareness and be heard so someone might help. Conversely, the frequent gaslighting and censorship we face daily, ingrain feelings of fear, abandonment, & mistrust. The level of censorship is unfathomable. We know our stories are genuine and there is so much suffering attached to them.
Years of our lives have already been taken from us. Devastating physical harm, and a deeply disturbing degree of mental damage from the level of gaslighting and stonewalling around discussing the vaccine injured from everywhere: the media, government, the medial sector, state bodies, just everywhere you thought you could get help is a wall of uncompassionate silence.
‘Can we honestly say we've given informed consent?’
There was a right way to do this, an ethical way. I can't say that happened in this case even considering the pandemic. Can we honestly say we've given informed consent, when the health and safety data was incomplete, and extent of the adverse reactions unknown? When it seems the benefits were exaggerated and the level of coercion blinding. Could we say were nothing but guinea pigs in a huge experiment? As a vaccine injured healthcare worker, I don't feel heard. I feel like inconvenient collateral damage who has been used, ostracised and dehumanised.
Tell me about how your financial situation has been affected by your injury.
I have been left with no income at all. There are no savings left. We are trying to survive way below the poverty line. Money isn't what drives me, but there is an indignity in having no financial independence. It affects every aspect of your life, right down to the dynamics in your relationship. Of the eight financial supports I've applied for through the HSE as my employer, and the state, I've been refused all eight. Special leave with pay (SLWP) a government scheme offered to public service and healthcare workers suffering long covid symptoms, entitling them to hold on to their sick days, pension and full pay while they are unfit for work. To me it's discriminatory that healthcare workers like me with a diagnosis of vaccine induced long covid were omitted from this scheme, despite suffering similar symptoms. HSE Critical Illness Payment, which I was advised to apply for by hospital management, only to be refused by both occupational health and hospital management. Emotionally that crushed me.
‘Hypocrisy’
It felt confusing being commended for my services during lockdown by both the state and the HSE, yet I have been left with no financial means. The hypocrisy around that irks me. Getting recognition from government and the HSE for vaccine injured staff would be a start but we are aware that will be a difficult battle.
To finish: tell me about how you feel about your future, are you hopeful?
Most days are just sitting on my own with my thoughts. Recently, I watched a runner pass my window. He looked strong and healthy. His face was red from effort. I remembered how amazing that feeling was. Sometimes ordinary things trigger and upset you. You momentarily allow yourself to feel that. It's part of a grieving process for your old self, but I can't allow being vaccine injured to be my sole identity. At my core, I'm still the same person, with value, just in a more dysfunctional shell.
Siobhan’s is the first of a 5 part Irish vaccine injury series on this Substack #LivesDestroyed #vaccineinjuries
Warm thanks to those who support this work, it is much appreciated.
The person who replied directly below implies that Siobhan O'Grady's problem is that she views herself as a victim and relies on doctors, and if she's only eat right and "listen to her body" (whatever that means), she'd improve. I know I will get trolled for this, but Siobhan's account of her life sounds completely authentic and she does not come across as playing the victim at all. In late 2020/early 2021 I spent 8 hours a day following the "anti-vaxxers" on Twitter (Mike Yeadon, Joel Smalley, Prof Shahar, Luigi Warren etc). At the time , I was more aware of the risks of Covid vax than perhaps 99.9% of the population. Every day I communicated my findings to my partner, and told him not to get vaxed. But he did (with the intervention of my mother and brother, who told him not to listen to me), Fourteen days after the vax, he had a crippling stroke, lost the use of his left arm, suffered confabulation -- I won't go into all the details. I was fortunate enough to get him into a rehab center after his blood clot (carotid) was removed. I have only good things to say about the rehab personnel; however, he was subjected to a "pep talk" (not that he paid attention) by a volunteer who had suffered a stroke at the hands of a chiropractor and recovered. This volunteer's message was "I recovered from my stroke via hard work. If you try hard enough, you'll recover." I said "That's simplistic. You haven't the slightest idea -- nor does anyone -- what kind of damage was caused by the vax. Just look at my partner -- it's not going to happen." He hated me for saying that. But guess what? Two years later, my partner, who's in Brazil, has continually deteriorated, with 5 nurses attending him. Otherwise he cannot get out of bed. He has no idea what country he is in. His personality is destroyed. HIs inability to improve is NOT HIS FAULT. If I applied your advice to him, sure, I'd save a fortune in healthcare, but he'd never get out of bed. In general, I completely agree with sentiment that the medical profession is to be avoided, and diet is key. But our bodies were not evolutionarily designed to cope with toxic spike proteins and LNPs. So give Siobhan a break.
This is another great article. I thank you, Louise, for writing it and Siobhan should know she is a brave good person and she will always have her dignity no matter what happens. And that is more than some...
The pain and suffering behind all that propaganda needs to be seen and heard. If only this honest information could be disseminated widely in the public, they just might start to get it.
Most now are in a strange denial. They want to bury the past, deep and hidden, because I don't doubt there is a shame they wish to suppress. So a mindless denial is the preferred approach. The public don't want to even talk about any of it, whether it is dancing theatrics, silly masks or adverse life destroying reactions. There is something about all this that reminds me of the mother and baby homes too. Something in the Irish flawed character that just won't stand up above the subservient crowd to face up to corrupt power. All the 'social justice warriors' out there merely align with power in a pretense of speaking truth to power, even as the government fund them.
This nurse will hopefully see some improvements in here health over time.
It's disgusting that she has been denied all financial support. If she had pretended it was long covid, she would probably have been rewarded. Instead she will be punished for her honesty.
For the love of God, do not trust the government - the health service administration is merely an emanation of the government. They will put you in your grave and never even think twice.